You may be reading these words and questioning why such a title. If you have watched the phenom’ of the film Stutz an understanding may be arriving. I have been accused of giving the synopsis, plot twist and story of another Netflix show away before. I will try not to do so here.
Phil Is a classically trained American Psychiatrist. I would class him as a prototypical psychotherapist. A person-centred compassionate, humour enthused doctor. Who has written his own rule book on the practice of the subtle art. Phil Stutz is amongst other things Jonah Hill’s therapist. The film I found extraordinary to watch. Mainly because of how open both men become with each other and with the film overall. We are able to watch transformation take place in as close and as intimate a setting as is possible. In a world surviving the apocalyptic effect of CoViD19 and an ongoing war in Ukraine this film is refreshing as it offers us hope.
Episodic The film treats us to a long session where Stutz and Hill engage in a pseudo psychotherapy appointment. Pseudo because some artistic licence is taken. Both men share what they have enjoyed about working with the other and on the film. There are moments of deep connection and wonderfully tricky ethical dilemmas that both men grapple with. At no point do either participant back away from the challenge of the project at hand. Both willfully engage with the task in front of them. Answering each other’s questions. Offering playful rebuttals and daring each other to think differently about what they both face.
Parallax The frank honesty and aim not to make the perfect film is the beauty of Stutz. The openness to let the messiness be present. A comparison between life and when a counsellor/psychotherapist is working with the mind, stands forward for me. A linear path to a solution or a breakthrough almost never happens in counselling work. The jewels are found amongst the rubbish. And we have to be willing to beachcomb through a lot of drift matter to find gems. We, counsellor and client, are sent into the miasma to overturn, root out and discover. Often we return with little. Sometimes when we do find something, the gem shines brighter for all of the effort.
BACP/APA What I enjoyed about is the simple way the film invites both men to view and work with change. I am mindful of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy and the American Psychotherapy Association and what their thoughts are of Stutz. The film is brave bold and daring in what it offers viewers an insight to. The palpable enjoyment and risk are very present in what happens on set. Do these two organisations value the effort? Also of how the end product shows what working in an artistic person-centred way is like for both Stutz and Hill. I have mentioned the film to a few clients and supervisees. Most have either watched the film or since watched it, and shared that they appreciated the reflexive nature of both men. Stutz offers us a view of intimacy and vulnerability caught in colour and in monochrome. A testament to healing.
Danger The threat with Stutz is that counselling and psychotherapy appears to be an opportunity to share the personal story of the therapist with the client. This may happen within the boundaries of supporting the client to gain an insight to their own story. With Stutz the sharing happens because Hill and Stutz, after a number of years of work – know each other. Enough to venture into spaces other counsellors do not approach. I have, when the need to personally disclose is present. Similar to an awareness of thin space. These moments are rare and demand of a counsellor to appreciate risk. The relationship between these two men is exceptional because of the presence of trust. Practicing the art of psychotherapy in an integrative client focused way is to base progression and development on the relationship that has been established between helper and helpee. Stutz offers us a wonderful perception of what is possible when psychotherapeutic work becomes transpersonal.
Tools In my kit bag I generally use analogy to explore and interpret the information the client and I are working with. I can remember a counselling supervisor inviting me to trust what I saw. Amongst the sparks of my imagination, listening to a client defining their challenge. Determining what approach to take, or if any. Daring to offer these caught entrails in my work with clients. At times I can catch lightening. I like that Stutz uses drawings to expand on his findings. These mementos are like petit fours. Refreshing, joy filled, exploratory risk packets. With which clients can be both reminded and challenged. With my analogies clients can then either remember or forget the ideas meaning. The work I feel – is the takeaway sensation of something not easily describable. A felt sense of something having taken place, a look, a defining sentence. Like a hanging basket of potential. Determining a want for movement forward into the great big unknown. Courageously. The analogies and sketches offer client’s a philosophical understanding for living life with. Similar to the distillation of knowledge.
Stutz is Similar to an archetypical character, flawed, vulnerable, resolved, struggling with their own trials and yet offering pages from their play book of how to make it to the next step along, on the journey of life. The film is a love song. Highlighting core themes of adulting, parenting and healing in a *neatish package. Perhaps the role of the psychotherapist sits across a few intersections of becoming. I recognise in Stutz and in my role as a counsellor that risk, reward and all manner of contrasts exist. Which is why the film does so well to explain how discussing topics with another, supports ideas to be transformational, ultimately. Talking leads to newer ideas – which leads to testing and then in time – realisation through action. Stutz offers both personal and professional development in a readily available manner. A link to a trailer is in last month’s blog Submarine.
Resources Karen, an episode of Earhustle thoroughly gripped me as I drove home from Toronto. I wondered what support would have looked like had Karen been able to access it prior to the accident. What would Stutz’s drawings have helped Karen recognise about herself and how she could make use of life now in prison? Dr. Andrew Huberman is a leader in the field of EMDR (Eye Movement De-sensitation Reprocessing) and this short video explains his understanding of why trauma gets trapped and how using EMDR can assist a client releasing embodied pain. Moving forward is a key theme in Stutz. I trained in supervision under the wise direction of Robin Shohet’s teachings. The supervision trainer leant heavily on several core concepts from Shohet’s book ‘Supervision in the Helping Professions’. I enjoyed in the clip below how Stutz appears to embody the central theme of Shohet. Lastly I am surprised by my arriving at the end with Kendrick and Stutz meeting. Hip hop lyricism is a form of psychotherapy. So, it is not out of the ordinary that Kendrick and Phil meet equally here on this page. Both drive change like fire. Karen from Ear Hustle How EMDR works by Dr. Andrew Huberman Robin Shohet and the idea of clients healing the therapist Father Time Kendrick Lamar ft Sampha
Backlinks You should have spoiler alerts. The Artist – the first time I put a name to my practice of psychotherapy. Dilemma – But I do mean I love you, but I am not going to say it. Beachcombing – Highlighting that what the surf offers up can be treasure filled. CoViD19 Cassandra Wilson – Waters of March I couldn’t resist. Time after time the words continue offering re-interpretation. A play on a play.
Many of the blogs this year happened as a result of personal experience or a question I wanted to pose. This is another where I am attempting to arrive at an answer whilst travelling – whilst writing. Recognising that the journey is as important as the destination can be a useful point to hold.
Change Squared I attended a lecture at McMaster’s university recently, delivered by the researcher/writer/political scientist Dr. Debra Thompson. The lecture invited me to begin asking myself about progressive change. I also attended a number of lectures about psychedelic use in psychotherapy. Esther Perel interviewing in brief Julia Samuel about growing through discomfort and finally attending presentations on alternative practice in psychotherapy with BAATN. The commonality between these experiences engage change at a number of levels. In all of the conversations there was an understanding of processes ending. I would suggest that at each discussion there was also a sense of newness. Ideas being born or starting again in fresh clothes. Offering different ideas on the inherent separation from the past.
Change – Fragile Beauty
Support I am inside an experience of significant change currently. Inviting me to travel. Pain wholly present. There is also recognition of release. Parts of my reality have been impacted by loss and as a result forever changed. Other parts of life have stayed the same. Julia mentioned in her conversation with Esther – that emotions move slower than other human intelligences. Appreciating change is an iterative experience. We don’t get it in one gulp. We arrive with the knowing in stages. This idea resonates for me. The world has had to make necessary adjustments as a result of CoViD19? The process for the adaptation happened in stages. We lurched from lockdown to release and back. The experience protracted and confusing. For many a sense of autonomy, identity and control were frustrated. The process of grief and bereavement may well have been a way to manage the pandemic. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, Celebration, Peace, Rest the last three being my extension of the process of loss.
Illusion When we step beyond the illusion of control, something else is allowed to be realised. Wrapped inside the illusion of control is boredom. Creativity and discovery are seen as unnecessary. Play too put outside an encounter that has the potential of radically challenging and changing all that we thought we knew. When we can hold 3 truths of certainty, discovery and uncertainty as equal partners a trinity is formed leading to growth. I have described psychotherapy before as an art. Mainly because the unknown remains a constant partner amongst the process of healing. For the artist who is about to create an inquiry leads to capturing a feeling that was first something unknown. It is the cat in Shrödingers thought experiment. In psychotherapy the art is in what takes place between client and person collaborating in the healing encounter.
Change – Renewal of Ideas
*Syncopatico Recently I shared in a ‘Clean Space’ that 2 trinities are formed when counselling. There is the client sharing their thoughts. Hearing their thoughts and then interpreting their ideas. This initial trinity I would stand by as being a primary catalyst that encourages the change the client seeks. The secondary catalyst is how the space between client and psychotherapist supports what is shared, how it is heard and then what is then used. A synchronicity is offered on a continual loop.
Less is I have attempted to show below with the resources a direction of travel. When we accept change and move with transformation, we grow. When we do what is necessary to acknowledge change’s existence our acclimatisation causes less pain. This is not to say that change happens easily or without pain. Denial however, causes more. Serial and NY Times new podcast series below offers a visceral reminder of the time we are living in. We Were Three presents fact that is undeniable. Perhaps we can hold uncertainty, hope and humour in another tri partisan awareness, as old certain ideas crumble?
Change – Simple and Complex
Resources An introduction to Debra Thompson discussing her experiences of race in Canada. Sharing her insights on writing the book ‘The Long Road Home’ with Dr. Ethel Tungohan Esther Perel sessions are a collection of short psychotherapy conversations with thought leaders in various fields. I have found Esther’s thought extrapolations wonderfully capture ideas. Julia Samuels in conversation with Will Ryecroft about her book ‘This Too Shall Pass’ expand on the ideas shared with Esther. By attending a number of presentations by leaders in the field of psychedelic psychotherapy, I was reminded of the Netflix show ‘How to Change Your Mind’. The idea of change being a fundamental human experience that can be enhanced by natural substances. Another thought – ancient cultures and traditions holding centuries old knowledge offer keys for expansive human development. Therapy Outside by BAATN offered a range of presenters discussing their approaches to psychotherapy. All addressing change within the art of counselling. We Were Three is the latest instalment from the Serial podcast series discussing a difficult truth about CoViD19 and the denial response to accessing care. Dr. Debra Thompson on Academic Aunties Esther Perel Sessions Julia Samuel Coping with Change interview for Waterstones with Will Ryecroft Psychedelic Assisted Psychotherapy Summit Therapy Outside: Approaches Beyond The Norm BAATN conference Serial We Were Three
Backlinks Re-imagining Loss Pt 2 8 stages of grieving. Cat Theory Illusion for links the idea of known, unknown and both ideas being true. Braver A link to a way to have old defunct, maladaptive ideas crumble.
Many of these blogs are born from a filtering of information from a range of sources. Some arrive whilst in conversation with friends and family. The below is a hybrid of both. A large thank you to my sister Edwina and Ms. Amarpreet Ajji who both steered me through a number of tough realisations.
Adverse Hooch is well known as a legal and illegal alcoholic drink. In America – pruno is the colloquial equivalent. Moonshine is another name of illegally produced malted alcoholic beverages. Why am I writing about illegal liquor one might be inclined to ask? “Adversity is the mother of all invention”. My mum was fond of saying. This is my offering.
Locked In Having worked at over 10 prisons in the UK, and witnessed the ingenuity persons in prison extend themselves to – brewing alcohol illegally, there is a truth to my mum’s saying above, that I wanted to explore here. The common experience of hardship creating solution. If there wasn’t difficulty, poverty or war, would development of the advances that exist in the world currently be with us?
Community Links Living in Canada I am unable to be employed. My migrant status is under review. My ‘In Country’ application has been in process for over a year. In that time I have had chance to volunteer my support as a psychotherapist for True Roots as a panelist, and also as a co facilitator of their men’s monthly check in and chats series, ACCA as a volunteer co-ordinator for the organisation’s Individual and Family support programme, and most recently as a member of the St. Leonard’s Society of Hamilton that support individuals with rehabilitation after a custodial sentence. There is also a piece of work at McMaster University in Autumn I am looking forward to be involved with. I haven’t stopped engaging in purposeful activities it looks different at the moment.
Combustion The sloth of my application currently being processed by Canada’s immigration service is at the centre of my reasoning for Hooch. My ability to work and contribute, as in the UK, is hampered by slow processing. A low-grade frustration builds like a storm cloud. Similar to the lazy afternoon pull and erasure of dry wipe marks from a board that once held the allure of valuable information. The teacher oblivious, uncaring or both. Queue the classroom explosion.
Brew Hooch is a bi-product of ingenuity meeting boredom, opportunity and time. The blogs are my attempt to produce something potent and as therapeutic in a collection of words as hooch are for those behind ‘the wall’. Offering a taste of freedom. By writing I ease the storm cloud’s weight. If each letter were a droplet of rain, perhaps by the end of this year the rain cloud could become like cirrus – light as wisps of steam caught in rarefied air.
Expense Existing as a non-entity has perils: unaffordable health care, costly health and car insurance, inability to join the labour force, nonexistent credit rating, poor social mobility or cultural capital. Confidence repeatedly dashed against the rocks of doubt ‘Will this ever…?’ I am not alone in sensing the vacuum. A hoovering up of all that was known about a temporaneous life before the move is common for an immigrant.
Slow Down Whole communities have travelled from one country into another, and sometimes into yet more. Some – held in an infernal holding pattern such as Tom Hanks in the film Terminal, knowing the turmoil of life in absentia. And more living with the daily concerns: imminent threat of permanent removal re. ICE, deportation holding centres, dashed plans to reunite with family, job prospects and hopes of starting to live once more, following the global lockdown – held just beyond reach. An added sting of not knowing reasons for the omnipresent delay.
Process As a former sourdough bread baker and investigator of the subtle art of Kimchi (Sauerkraut restores gut health too) I wonder about the end of my waiting experience. I recognise that there is a fermentation taking place. A general awareness of developments I am not involved with. The experience – maddening and wildly frustrating. Space is taken to think a little, and share some of my thoughts with you. For me the sharing is the main point of writing these truncated missives – fermentation’s produce – Hooch.
Resources The ACCA links to the Afro Caribbean Canadian Association’s website, where you can find out a little bit more about the organisation is achieving in Hamilton. St Leonard’s takes readers to the SLSH website, one can take a look at all that this inspiring organisation does. Sourdough takes you to the almost fool proof method of creating and crafting a sourdough bread by Hugh Fearnly-Whittingstall. I am yet to make Kimchi. When I do I will follow Sue’s recipe. There are a range of studies that introduce the concept of our guts being our 2nd brain. Sean Brock is another find on Netflix who has an interesting take on flavour, pickling and fermentation. The article by Sandor Katz looks at fermentation’s power to transform cooking/baking. I enjoyed reading their interpretation of brewing cultures to transform ingredients for a diners culinary pleasure. A House Divided by Code Switch introduces a family that reside in the US under different policies of immigration. A number of complexities arise from their differing legal status. My Lying Eyes by This American Life explores the complex experiences of migrants to the US. Some appear to be allowed quick safe passage whilst others are left with a complex and dangerous route. Bassem Youssef introduces a number of important reflections about civil unrest, seeking justice and being an immigrant. The Stoop’s excellent coverage of Black life introduced a micro tear in the fabric of being othered outside of North America. Code Switch A House Divided This American Life My Lying Eyes Pod Save The World – Bassem Youssef The Stoop – I’m Black and I’m Jameela
To build muscle one needs to put the reps (repetitions) in. So shared by various online fitness enthusiasts, coaches, trainers, physios. Even Ms. Snow, my friend the personal trainer (PT) advised. A daily core practice would support me in all I do now and later in life. I sought Ms. Snow’s advice to help me with the depleting effects of MS. To build strength, conditioning, discipline the same could also be true. One is to repetitively – with purposeful engagement put in the reps. I wonder what then of empathy, cultural competence, listening and compassion?
And So What? For me last month’s post re. The Completion Compulsion supported ideas of just because something has begun, does it mean it has to end in its usual fashion? The ongoing war in Ukraine, the conflicts in relation to Black Lives Matter, Me Too, the proposed ideological conspiracy of the Great Replacement Theory, the impending world grain shortages, possibilities of an economic recession, a world at war and ecological upheaval destabilise a sense of normalcy. Reality was never predictable even if the human animal has attempted to make it so.
Pardon? A slower more complicated understanding of both global and provincial challenges would be to appreciate that there may only be one problem that can be solved. Once complete, we can then move on to the next. I am mindful that we all probably aren’t asking as many questions to determine what the problem should be defined as. Einstein is reported to have said, ‘if given an hour to solve a problem he would spend 55 minutes asking questions to thoroughly understand the challenge in front of him.’
Rush From the war in Ukraine, the recent massacres in Buffalo, Texas, and Nigeria the human animal seems to be at odds with itself. ‘Finger pointing’ does little to answer these questions a client said to me recently. To resolve the many deaths, the overwhelming sense of being lost, or of being on a runaway train without a driver and crew. Much like the Pandemic we are all very much ‘in it’ with little chance of escape. Let’s begin asking questions, not necessarily to only find solution, but also to raise our capacity for critical thought and to claim responsibility for what we do next.
Silk Road The fraying fabric of our now has brought to our beleaguered attention spans the onslaught of gross upheaval, change and uncertainty. The concept of a repetitive exercise – to improve the human capacity to remain outside of chaos and stay in contact with our collective realities is the charge I am levelling here. Can we? Has the march towards the end of civilisation as we know it, begun?
Backing Out I am mindful of the work of Resmaa Menakem and his assertion that whilst we attend to the heavy lifting of deep psychological spiritual restructuring, he also advises that we stop when the work gets too much. He is famous for saying “Pause, just pause, notice the charge and back out of it. Come back to it when you feel you can manage…” The completion compulsion installed in many, invites us to run through the experience of whatever the pain, shame, blame may be so we can arrive at ‘reframe’. The reframing is the prize promise held out for us after surviving the assault course of paying attention to what ails. Talking about or allowing the body to somatically process and release the pain is what Resmaa is advising. If not today, then at some other time when one is capable of managing the charge. Once one has built up enough strength to withstand the labour of what the charge presents. We survive, we heal and we grow.
Drawing Parallels 10 minutes can be enough to suggest both the satisfaction of annihilation and understanding existence anew. The first episode of Love Death + Robots I watched, called Zima Blue, presents an interesting take on a new, yet old story. If humanity had a search for meaning, that resulted in arriving at as straightforward a solution as the protagonist Zima does in this Netflix show, perhaps many of our protests about living and dieing the way that we currently are, would be less torturous. Simply, we are no more or less important than pollen, dust, a water droplet, sand, microbes or subatomic particles. Yes we have sentience, morals, laws, science, philosophy, religion, art. How do we know that sand, like sub atomic particles does not have intelligence? Sand is able to find it’s way into food, homes and machine parts uninvited isn’t it? How is this so? Like sand we also have an incalculable ability to find ourselves in perilous circumstances with an always present entropy. How intelligent/sentient are we to have both the ability to creatively build and yet also to completely destroy?
Flex Putting in the work of building up our ability to remain safe and conscious takes time, practice, resourcing, awareness and a team of committed individuals to support what is unearthed to be integrated, left or discarded. There is no specific end point, only a continual learning, implementing, contracting and expanding. Much like a muscle, strength is maintained as long as the practice is continued and consistent. The reason for the effort is to improve outcomes for the many that perhaps have little or lack resources, or voice. Perhaps the voiceless show through action that every decision made has a direct consequence that impacts upon us in the now and definitely will in the future: Beached whales, birds dieing from plastic consumption, fertile land loss, mudslides, millions of hectares of arable land ablaze, centuries old glaciers collapsing and shrinking…
Vigil In May I attended a candlelight vigil for the massacre in Buffalo. The event was arranged by the leader of ACCA and the youth development co-ordinator Evelyn Myrie and Talibah Howard. The mood sombre. The need for a public show of support and community display of solidarity was met appropriately. I mentioned during my talk that since Rodney King’s, attack over 20 years ago, I have been numb. The idea was shared amongst peers for a True Roots discussion on the 2nd year anniversary of George Floyd’s murder. I believe grieving can have a similar effect. As Lama Rod Owen suggests below, continuing the journey out of the numbness, into a broken hearted state. I feel resourced and ready to build the muscles by putting in the reps. At the horizon, where sky meets earth: answers.
Simply Because The aim is to do better with the tools and knowledge available to us and make changes in the systems of education, finance, money management, manufacturing, waste disposal and looking after the whole of life as if our lives depend on it. Because we do!
If we don’t put the reps in we won’t have the chance of ever arriving…
Resources Steve Rose’s article in the Guardian was interesting for what has been misrepresented as the ‘truth’ in relation to Black Brown and white lives in conflict for access to live as equitably as possible. Philip Hoare writes about the research on whales and dolphins beaching themselves. Initially I thought that whales beached themselves due to illness caused by digesting plastic waste. The article dispels my basic awareness. Jaymi Heimbuch Photographer, conservationist shares their story about the tragic impact of plastic waste on the environment. They list 9 steps to reduce plastic waste in seas and land fills. The Happiness Lab with Dr. Lori Santos and Arianna Huffington exquisitely explores the misunderstanding we have about rest, sleep, restoration and vitality. Going slower, doing less, concentrating on 1 or 2 tasks does not make us lazy or slow. Possibly focussing on a small number of projects, having the energy to complete them helps us feel satisfied. Sleeping is a conduit to living well. The Link here takes you to the site of the Nap Ministry. Listening to this episode of the Happiness Lab reminded me of the industrial revolution and the idea of being a wheel in an international production machine. The nap ministry introduces another way to make use of and access work. The Other Front Lines from This American Life invites us to observe conflict in Ukraine from a number of perspectives. Resistance and survival appear different to various communities in Ukraine. Prentis Hemphill interviews Lama Rod Owens about our misunderstanding of anger, and the emotion’s misuse, mislabelling and what we can do once anger gives way to something more. Brené Brown on Unlocking Us contends with the difficult experience of the epoch we are in and what will be experienced, lost and eventually realised. I enjoyed Brené Brown discussing the insurrection at the Capitol Building in 2021 and what may be inferred from the show of avarice and hubris. Guilane Kinouani and Eugene Ellis discuss their books and their encounters writing about race as psychotherapists, living whilst Black and what the journey ahead entails. The Happiness Lab BONUS: Sleep When You’re Dead Tired (LIVE with Arianna Huffington) This American Life The Other Front Lines Ukraine stories Finding Our Way Prentis Hemphill and Lama Rod Owens Radical Anger Brené Brown Unlocking Us Words, Dehumanization, Accountability Therapy Today: The Big Interview with Guilane Kinouani and Eugene Ellis
For a few months now the idea of connection has been spinning. A few concepts have been attempting ascendency. Their want – to remain as consistent lenses for viewing the world through. These lenses tinted by the topics of: Shame, Open hearted state, Vulnerability, Listening, Attention and Intimacy. Merging together they have made a mind soup. Appealing in colour. Rich in flavour. Texture silky with some identifiable and unknown contents awaiting discovery therein. It’s the after taste of umami, that has my head to the side – questioning…
Vulnerability – Intimacy A counselling conversation recently, wandered close to the cliff edge of danger, curiosity and discovery. Most do. My hope with the below is that I can summarise and offer some of what was covered. Many of the counselling engagements I have throughout my working week pull and stretch understanding along a range of different paths. We were observing vulnerability as a component of being with others/another. That being amongst a space of vulnerability, is ultimately a goal often ventured but not soon realised. My mind turbo charged – whispered ‘but what of intimacy?’
Attention Deficit I shared my understanding of the world’s lurch toward certainty and attention with the client. When the opposite of attention, offers just as many outcomes and rewards. As likely to resolve a few human wants. I’ll share my basic understanding. We have a world focused on assessing and evaluating what can be made use of. What can be managed safely. If there is profit or gain. What can be left, lost or discarded. Veering wildly away from risk. Presenting the unknown unknown as problematic, unchartered and dangerous. In Narcissus is Us, I wrote about the draw of hiding behind a mobile device that offers the promise of connecting with others, but increasing a feeling of separation and loneliness. Our detriment. By venturing an unknown, new learnings, experiences and appreciations can be gathered. Are these encounters not as valuable as the ones we know and expect?
Switch Tracking Attention can be useful. By becoming aware of global issues, we can ask ourselves and others difficult questions and be willing to listen for answers. Humanity is curious by nature. Often we want to find reasons for things working the way that they do, or not. We can then find possible solutions. Alternatively flicking between a number of sources, to entertain ourselves is often the outcome of our attention being used. I wonder at what cost? Netflix’s ‘The Social Dilemma’, offered a useful interpretation of where our global attention is affixed. Our ‘seeing’ a range of images, stories, videos, links to sales and profit for an elite few. Attention is a way of being used to support financial reward for companies globally – not us, the user.
Pause for Cause My interest here is what are we losing, or have already lost? Could our attention deficit cause disconnection? Would we be aware of this trend? The CoViD19 pandemic, the global racial reckoning after the public murders of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd, the rise in technological dependency and entertainment, potentially may have instigated a turning away from trusting relationships with each other and specifically within ourselves. Use of telecommunication devices such as: Google Meet, MS Teams, Skype, Zoom, WhatsApp Video Call, Apple’s FaceTime, offer a semblance of remaining in contact with and a newer way of connecting with others. I wonder if “the being with” is the same? Is there an unknown component being lost? In my case, living on a different continent to those I support. I am dependent on mobile communication and working agilely. Does convenience increase or decrease contact?
Vulnerability I will use Brené Brown’s counsellor’s words to begin this part of the discussion. Vulnerability is both *exfoliatingly excruciating and **excitingly exquisite. Vulnerability is similar to walking a tightrope across a canyon. There is both risk and beauty to be had in both. To know that there could be pain attached to being vulnerable, can make us less willing to share much of ourselves. There could also be a wonderful sense of release, relief and resuscitation with letting go – the armour and shield. When we are in a place that we feel is safe enough. That the company we keep can bear witness to our vulnerability. We can get to the next more pleasing experience of being with, with less distance, less fear more empathy and a sense of being held.
Opening In last years post On Shame I placed emphasis on how to use shame to support growth. Both Hilary Jacobs Hendel and Brené Brown in their books, and interviews, share what living in an open-hearted way, looks and feels like. Another perspective of what learning arrives once Brown’s and Jacobs Hendel’s work takes root. We become engaged with the possibility of daring greatly, being compassionately congruent, and living within the scope of intimacy. The idea of engaging consistently in an open-hearted way, presents challenge. Would we be able to, with the world sliding towards the solipsistic? I wonder what do we gain from the pretense? That a me-centric view of the planet has us on course to irreparably damage ourselves and the biosphere we inhabit. A rise in mental illness could illustrate that the construct of the world we are living in, is unhealthy. Perhaps there are other ways to be in the world?
Dive Of late my concerns are about the bare-naked truth of limited interaction with others. Telecommunication has limits. Hearing and seeing, can be experienced from afar. But what of the sense of felt presence of being in the same space/room with another, with others? What happens to the intimacy of non-verbal communication? The hand gesture that is not seen as a result of the glitchy nature of WiFi, or the LAN cable disconnect, power outage? My client wondered if vulnerability was similar to a person going for a swim at their local swimming pool. Bathing suit on. Walking out carefully along the mid level diving board. Bouncing up and down. In full view of everyone else, but not piking and diving into the pool. Vulnerable yes. Intimate not yet.
Listening To experience unity and no degree of separation, the pool into which we dive is to be receptive. We were vulnerable bouncing up and down on the diving board. We move from vulnerability to intimacy when we leap forward into the pool. The water, willing and able to embrace us well. With the capacity to support if we were poor swimmers. The want to be intimate and vulnerable with others is linked to the spaces and people with whom we could share our tenderness and theirs. If the listening environment is primed and ready to accept, hear, understand, sharing will be an easier happening between those in the room/space. A few examples of altered listening were provided whilst I was training to become a counsellor/psychotherapist. We were asked to share a story with another student sitting opposite us. Who showed obvious signs that they were not paying any attention to what the storyteller was saying. Yawning, feigning sleep, mouthing the words this is so boring. I witnessed one student, stand and walk off! The vibe of these encounters felt uncomfortable for both the teller and the listener. A listening environment, in time becomes as valuable to a personal exchange as the “what” is shared in those spaces.
Unity Intimacy being the submersion. The hitting the water. Pushing up from the bottom of the pool. Bubbles. Breaking the surface. Gasping. Ejecting water from the mouth. Treading water. Feeling the cool. Spreading fingers and swishing the water in full play. Swimming the full length of the pool. Intimacy then, is bringing oneself into an experience of being with. Recognising self as separate from and yet being willing to fully commit, engage and be for however long enmeshed and inside of. Willingly being embraced and held by that other. Looked after by many trusted others. And you them. Intimacy is an act of trust. An act of faith that they, you, can exist as a oneness. Separation the umami taste of the soup. Within an intimate encounter, an ingredient that aims to dissolve union. Or possibly to enhance it.
Algorithm To move from distrust to intimacy, I wonder what the way of growth would be? Distrust, Dislike, Disappointment, Ambivalence, a positive experience, many positive experiences, Questioning throughout, Acceptance of what is, Testing self, Testing others, Failure and willingness to starting again – many times, Independence, Pauses, Building Resilience, Empathy, Compassion, Disciplined hope, Trust, Vulnerability, Intimacy…?
Event Horizon The path I propose to intimacy would likely be non-linear. My guess would be that the journey would be with a number of restarts from various positions listed above. I believe at our core, we seek connection and are excited by the prospect of being intimate (honest, open, collaborative, risking vulnerability) with others. 2020 was a beginning of a different way of living for many on the planet, perhaps there is another pull, daring us towards –
Resources The Anthropocene and all that is to be discovered in an ever changing human/non human landscape are subjects that Ayana and Dr. Bayo sit down to discuss. Dr. Bayo conjures in discussion with Ayana, a plethora of viewpoints through which to learn, question and revisit our understanding of spaceship earth. Masterpieces and Messes with Brené Brown and Jason Reynolds observes the up and down nature of discovery, loss, heartbreak and getting suspended from school for doing the right thing! A wonderful dance to listen to. Mistakenly Seeking Solitude uncovers a long-held myth. Being by oneself, holding oneself in abeyance does not make us happier, talking to strangers does. Dr. Laurie Santos with guests explain. Maya Shankar uses this podcast to investigate how significant events in hers and her guests lives leads to break through’s discoveries and successes. Failing can lead to break down and break through and intimate connection. For the Wild podcast with Ayana Young and Dr. Bayo Akomolafe Unlocking Us Brené Brown and Jason Reynolds The Happiness Lab – Mistakenly Seeking Solitude with Dr. Laurie Santos A Slight Change of Plans – Meet Maya Shankar in Conversation with Michael Lewis
The thought behind this blog is to attempt answering a clients question. As an artist using the spectrum of human experience to express high art – they asked if as I say psychotherapy is a refined art “what would be the primary colours?”
I wonder what your answer would be? As you can see below my answer encompasses a psychotherapeutic journey.
Thread The question is profoundly simple and yet also confoundingly complex. In essence what are the three counselling theorems that I primarly reach for? The primary colours of the artist’s palette are Red, Yellow and Blue. In the light spectrum the primary colours are Red, Green and Blue. From 3 primary colours, a million more colours are created.
Artiste As an integrative counsellor, the question caused me to pause for a number of reasons. I was invited to see myself as a painter of notoriety. Palette and brush in hands, peering curiously from behind an easel and canvas occasionally, at the subject being depicted. What would be my Red, Yellow, Blue? What does integrative really mean? Which three of the many counselling and psychotherapeutic approaches would I say are primary? Hence the blog. The answer – arriving later.
Bespoke An integrative counsellor is often trained to use more than one counselling or psychotherapeutic approach to support the person(s) engaged in the work. Counselling approaches can include and the list provided is by no means exhaustive: Person Centred, Humanistic, Psychodynamic, Cognitive Behavioural, Solution Focused, Problem Centred, Transpersonal, Internal Family Systems, Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, Culturally sensitive, Transactional Analysis, Game Theory, Attachment Theory, Trauma informed, Music Psychotherapy, Art Psychotherapy, Movement and Dance Psychotherapy. The list is near endless. Somatic Abolitionism is a very recent interest. Invited by Kimberly Cato to immerse myself into. When asked what my Red, Yellow and Blue for counselling and psychotherapy are? After several years in the world of counselling and psychotherapy, a few colour wheel associations are made.
Red – Assessment I am drawn in by the experience of developing a sound relationship with the person(s) sitting in the *‘chair’ opposite me. The vibrancy of the unsure, questioning, circling of the two who soon will be engaged in the psychological rumble that is psychotherapy – is the red of the colour wheel for me.
Runway Assessments are: Potent, energetic, immediate, open, raw, honest. The assessment is not specifically an approach of psychotherapy, but it is a significant and an important factor. Assessment is how the process of counselling is begun. In the assessment which is a two-way engagement, the client and the mental health professional enquire of the other what work is to be engaged with, and how the content of what is discussed will support both to enable growth, change, development and healing to be happen. The counsellor is assumed to be the one with power/knowledge. The opposite is more often the case. The client holds their entire story. The impact and the meaning of their life’s challenges being lived with. These choices and decisions lie between, to be understood and reviewed for newer formations and meaning to arrive.
Internalise Together counselling aims to address the parts of the story that are useful, syphon away parts of the story the client is to grow from and implement gathered learning.
Yellow – Person to person From my initial training at Morley College and then accessing the integrative approach at University of Greenwich, I was rooted in the person-centred understanding of counselling and psychotherapy. Carl Rogers the giant, I the infant beginning in the profession. Measuring myself against the Rogerian model. Psychodynamic persuasions had yet to seduce me into an understanding of the shadow aspects of a person’s (client’s) psyche, or mine. I enjoyed staying amongst the lit and topside overstanding of what a person brought in to the counselling space. The surprises were wan of the danger and risk of the Id, Ego, Super Ego, the exchanges amongst transactional analysis, I danced free from the drama triangles of the Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor, the super consciousness of the internal supervisor observing the Transference and Counter Transference were also moderately subdued.
Inspirator Outside of congruence, unconditional positive regard (UPR), empathy, compassion and non-judgemental listening. The way in, to support another appeared straightforward with person centred approaches to counselling. I looked forward to playing a role that supported others to access improved *awareni of their mental health. The readying myself and mental preparations were not too dissimilar to the other roles I held of being a Basketball Coach, and a learning mentor. The precontemplation and readiness to perform as a compassionate collaborator were a wardrobe I was already somewhat familiar with.
Educate Then in the 2nd year of counselling training I met 2 experiences that would forever change my appreciation of the counselling landscape. Counselling in a large London prison. And a client that I met in this prison I have renamed ‘Laos’. Person centred counselling had for me a limited reach when it came to working with some men in prison. I remember reflecting with my supervisor, the notable Anne Willoughby, that my usual approach of nodding and paraphrasing did not seem to be working with Laos. He mocked me during our 2nd meeting by asking ‘Are you really just going to sit there and nod all the way through this, repeating everything I say?’ Either I was not getting him, or he was not getting me. Possibly both. AW and I decided to put our minds together, as is the case in supervision. The aim is to summarise and re-direct the approach being taken. If something is not working, figure out what it is and change it!
Icarus Accessing psychodynamic perspectives of the inner child, internal family systems, drama triangles, being aware of transference and counter transference all helped to build a resourced, close, understanding of who I was meeting. A fuller story of the person I was counselling came to light. Once I began processing Laos’ from a perspective of ‘seeing’ his life’s history. A number of significant chapters opened up: Laos was a person that came from a family with wealth. He was given the metaphorical keys with access to explore all elements of his younger life in the countries and cities he and his family moved to. Following his father’s career. Laos had a privileged background. He was privately educated. Teachers were aware of his intelligence and gift with mathematics. He suffered experiences of abandonment and loss. Travel became an escape for him as was alcohol and substance addiction. Survival was mostly what he was able to hold on to.
Sliding Doors My work with Laos became a transition point. Through which I became an integrative counsellor adapting my approach for every person I would support subsequently. For Laos I believed he woke up in me the sleeping dragon. A counsellor able to straddle the psychotherapeutic world of person centred counselling and the forever developing one of the psychodynamic-neuroadaptive psychotherapeutic world. He experiencing his world as cavernous, treacherous and risky. I imagined, that he needed to know that his counsellor was just as resilient, resourceful, daring, hungry and as courageous as he.
Blue – Mystery The advent of CoViD19, the various lockdowns and multiple stages of locking up and unlocking, me moving to online only counselling provision and supervision has changed all aspects of how I meet clients. Petruska Clarkson wrote about a heightened experience in the counselling relationship. For some who work in a number of differing professions, describe the experience of being in flow. When a counsellor has a perception that they have crossed into a knowingness that is beyond them Clarkson would call an experience like this – transpersonal.
Oblique With a question, a look, a smile, a tear, a non-verbal cue – some ‘extra’ communication lies between the counsellor and client. It is like the room alive to the presence of the two or more in the room share an experience that is beyond what both have known of themselves before. At times these moments are fleeting, sometimes they stay around for many minutes. The fear being, that a mistaken word, a misstep, will evaporate the hush that has descended. It is like magic. A few friends who have kinesthesia have spoken about seeing sound, tasting colour. That letters and numbers have their own distinct flavours or colours. Being in the hush is like this knowing what is possibly unknowable. These moments offer a profound connection.
Escaping All types of performers tune in to mystical moments such as these. When they say things like ‘I was feeling the vibe’ an experience of transcendence is amongst them. Wrapping those who watch them spellbound and amazed as if time and space are immaterial. The feeling: stars and rainbows, tingly and unexpected in a way that is as awe inspiring as it is brief. Leaving me questioning did that really just happen? It is the lecturer who instead of reading off of her screen, begins pulling apart one concept in the hope that the class can keep up. They mesmerised and amazed. Hoping that every lecture will be as electrifying and as delicious as this. It is the podcaster who feels their way through a difficult moment with guests. They then finding something golden that all who hear what is being shared – are forever changed.
Be Water Bruce Lee has been reported to have said that Water is an important element to be aware of. Changing to meet the environment it experiences and yet still remaining itself. The following sections are continuations of the Blue theme – peering beyond the horizon.
The Score Bessel Van Der Kolk’s ‘The Body Keeps The Score’ was an important book to have read. Bessel characterised his appreciation for body focused psychotherapy, or body focused treatments as a way to support those who are living with trauma. The writing of ‘The Body…’ is to offer understanding of the process of realising the release what has been trapped in the body offers. Bessel’s book assisted me in appreciating that talking as a form of treatment has it’s limits. Whilst the mind is helpful in making sense of events in time and space, there are restrictions in what can thoroughly be relieved. Some parts of memory do not have the words. These moments are either pre-verbal, somaticized knowledge or lie in parts of the body that words are useless at describing. Psychotherapy, counselling, C.B.T. D.B.T. are all useful up until a point, then words falter. I am interested in what comes after the words. This for me is Blue…
EMDR In 2019 I trained to use EMDR. I had a long-held interest in wanting to use Eye Movement De-Sensitisation Re-Processing to support clients. I came across EMDR as a result of Bessel’s book and my training at Greenwich. I was intrigued to know more of how bi-lateral stimulation could support someone who has experienced Small t trauma and Big T trauma to live beyond principle events. The trainers Barbara Lerch and Joshua Isaac Smith carefully wove personal narratives of using body based and specific bi-lateral stimulations with clients. Their stories about the impact for clients were surprising and initially I found unbelievable.
Past/Present One client I supported at a prison in Kent helped me fully appreciate what EMDR does. They were a survivor of war in Afghanistan. Going to school amongst a country wracked by war. Daily trips to the store, friends houses were a series of gauntlets ran. Living with the constant fear of being shelled, surviving mortar attacks, passing through bloody scenes, witnessing people dieing and hearing cries of the injured and scared. The belief they held, was that they were still in the war. That they were still in Afghanistan. Every loud shout. Every gate being slammed in prison, brought them immediately back to scenes and memories from their past.
Crane Stance By inviting the client to observe 2 important concepts of self belief and what they would preferably like to believe about themselves, is a key component in the change dynamic when supporting a client using bi-lateral stimulation. EMDR training instigates a theoretical imbalance that clients are to address and rebalance themselves with. The result, an experience of Capoeira – expertly and nimbly turning a hard to reach fact into a reality. By experiencing both the past and a future the client would prefer to live in. An undeniable shift had taken place. When the work was completed their smile and their sense of disbelief was felt, as they dizzily left the room. The successful outcome was experienced as a shedding of an old heavy armour. Walking beyond with something flexible and better suited to the life they were now to live.
On Being Kwame Opoku a Balham based counsellor introduced me to the phenomenon that is Resmaa Menakem. I have been fully immersed in his body focused message and shared a few of his interviews on previous blogs. During a conversation with Krista Tippett on the On Being podcast Resmaa shares a number of his findings and what he invites those that he works with to understand about the world we are living in. There is a cost to continue speeding through the experience of life with blinkers on and what slowing down feels like. There are emotional and historical charges due up for release. We would do well if we pay attention to generational wounds, traumas, remembering’s, suppressions and not just talk about them but somatically be in the process of healing with them. For me the Blue here is wrapped in a Brown of the earth and of the spirit body. The cover art for My Grandmother’s Hands invites pause to understand the content of the book and the journey left to travel.
Equine There is a part of me that is nervous releasing this nascent idea here. But I have thrown other ideas forward that have either been held by you, questioned by you, but not laughed at or ridiculed. So I will remain courageous and share an insight. Reading 40 Million Dollar Slaves, William Rhoden offered a wonderful perspective of those who were brought to North American shores, against their will, being instrumental in animal husbandry. There was a line in the book that described an integral part of how African people were able to commune with livestock and specifically horses. Mr. Rhoden didn’t write this, but there was an implicit idea that being compared to a beast of burden had some people in bondage, appreciate the lives of the creatures that they worked with in a way that was spiritual. Mr. Rhoden went as far as to say that African Americans were excellent horse trainers, riders and jockeys because of an embodied knowledge.
How High An idea fixed itself to the back of my mind in 2016 of working with horses after reading the book. 2 more celluloid presentations arrived in 2021. The first being High on the Hog Netflix documentary and The Harder They Fall Netflix Cowboy movie. A Cowboy instructed Stephen Satterfield, that of course Black people were amongst the first Cowboys! ‘Where do you think the term Cowboy came from?’ My jaw hit the ground and fireworks spread across the screen for me. The ‘oh, of course of it’. The ‘hiding in plain sight of it!’ The dastardliness of it! Men and Women of African descent were cowboys.
Finally On an episode of Queer Eye S6 ep. Snow White of Central Texas (yes I know, yet another Netflix show) the ‘5 change agents’ visit a Texan farm. The farm introduces children to animals. Both guests and farm dwellers received a therapeutic outcome from visits. As part of the redesign the owner of the farm experiences equine psychotherapy themselves! Leigh the equine therapist shared an insight that ‘horses do not speak in language they speak in energy!’ On hearing that, my interest in animal assisted psychotherapy peaked. Equine psychotherapy is something I will look to pursue in the future. This the last instalment of the primary colour Blue, I am to daub across the canvas of psychotherapy. I have a suspicion further interests will maraud…
Rainbow And here my foray in a psychotherapy painted landscape that began with 3 primary colours has ended with a colour palette that extends to both Infra Red and Ultraviolet. A simple question asked by a client has turned into a 2000 word long read. Conclusion: as an integrative psychotherapist I am interested in the blending of approaches to support the process of healing. Red – Assessment, Yellow – Person Centred/Psychodynamic, Blue – for me, looks like this – EMDR – Somatic Abolitionism – Equine Psychotherapy…
I wonder what your primary colours could reveal…?
Resources Israel Anthony artist extraordinaire and a hell of a chess player! I have played him and lost a number of times. This is a link to his website. Resmaa Menakem’s website on Somatic Abolitionism. Here Resmaa shares his vision of what his training offers participants. Bruce Lee is known for his incredible skill at Kung-Fu and little known for his appreciation of philosophy. Bruce Lee offers his interpretation of being fluid. EMDR links to the EMDR centre London where I completed my training. Barbara and Joshua are phenomenal exponents of the application of EMDR. Brazilian Capoeira offers a short clip of the Brazilian Art form/dance/self defence fighting style/political movement. A link to Dream Winds horse training website. For animal assisted psychotherapy training in Ontario. On Being – Notice the Rage, Notice the Silence interview with Krista Tippett and Resmaa Menakem talk about his book ‘My Grandmother’s Hands’ and about the idea of the human body being constricted – primed and ready for fight, flight and freeze. Wu Wei Wisdom with Alexandra Lees and David James Lees discus healing the inner child. Thank you for Kate Bowler for recommending this podcast. The conversations between Alexandra and David are enlightening and humorous. The Happiness Lab I thank a number of sources for alerting me to, a client and Dare to Lead by the Brené Brown team. I have been resisting listening because I doubted that a podcast could provide a probable path to happiness. There is something here for me about expectation, arrogance and beginners mind. Glad to be shown my errors and unlearn. On Being Podcast Krista Tippett with Resmaa Menakem – Notice the Rage, Notice the Silence Wu Wei Wisdom Podcast – Inner Child Therapy The Happiness Lab Podcast – Dr. Laurie Santos – You Can Change
*Chair I used to work with clients who were in the same room as me. Before the pandemic. Now we are separated by considerable distances and yet able to meet by the marvels of modern technology. 2 Chairs in 2 very different spaces.
The feeling of love experienced or expressed in the psychotherapy ‘room’ is a complex dynamic to encounter. I will attempt to analyse this phenomena and my experiencing of a profound and surprising blossoming in the counselling relationship.
Fission During training at Greenwich University to become a counsellor, we (students) were advised and taught about the growing of warm intimate feelings between client and counsellor, warned of the dangers of developing a relationship that is based on unseen and unknowable factors. That drive powerful ingredients and are most often used as a catalyst to the counselling dyad. Like a nuclear physicist, carefully bespectacled, be-gloved and radiation suited – mindfully managing radioactive substances as though all errors could, end not only the experiment but her life and the lives of many. And so this last development in healing is to be handled with care.
Defying Gravity Recently I learned that in Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy the client is inpart ‘supposed’ to fall in love with their counsellor. Thus recreating the powerful and intimate connection a client may have had with primary care givers. Evolution of intense feelings are a bi-product of meeting with one person and sharing intimate, hidden aspects of ones life with a trained professional week after week, at times for years. Psychotherapy can be a significant challenge for those, who find being open, congruent, honest or trusting of themselves or another an uncomfortable and at times a painful invitation to encompass change. The other outcome is that a client is to also fall out of love and humanise the counsellor. Finding fault where once there was none. The client potentially can then enter the final phase of support. Looking to gain perspective on granular aspects of living life alongside another, who is willing to also acknowledge all aspects – comparatively-realistically-compassionately.
Flowering Before a client enters the counselling room, there may have been past experiences of hurt. Vulnerability being squashed or vanquished by those appointed to care, however these carers did not, could not. And so the person who takes their seat across from the counsellor is rightfully wary. The past has taught them to be alert, to any hint, that any form of harm, insult or embarrassment is met in a formerly used similar self-protective way (Friend, Fight, Flee, Freeze). In time the furtive eyes – dart less. The slightly scrunched body posture unfurls. Petal like. They are able to hold gazes more and then, they really speak. In this place, at these times there is almost a oneness in communication between counsellor and client. It feels like flight. A sense of trust is establishing itself and the distance between the people in the room disappears…
Transpersonal An encounter with a client left me floundering last year. They said just before our session came to a close, “I Love You, Man.” I believed I knew what they meant. They were affirming that something important and meaningful was being recognised in them and that they found this emergent quality both beautiful and surprising. Returning the sentiment with a depth of feeling, by not just saying the words was the difficult part for me. I have been inside these moments of heartfelt connection before. They always surprise and invite me to think about what the counselling work has been able to begin attending to. Like a Doula bringing to life, to light – the unseen…
Transact With the client I hoped that my words and commitment to the challenging work we were engaged with were enough. Simply saying in a constricted, halting way ‘I love you’ would not have conveyed honestly the depth of feeling I hold for the work and for them (clients). I floundered because in the transaction something of equal value is to be offered in the moment. This is a societal lesson. Anything less seems unfair. There was little time left at the end of the session. I knew that a rushed offering would lose the content and meaning of the message. In that moment I may have smiled and nodded and shown my appreciation. Hoping that a felt sense of mindful embrace would convey my connection to them and to the work. The fear, my fear was that I couldn’t bring balance to the exchange. That would be my work to walk with and process in counselling supervision.
Scent Sense We could look at the meaning of the word love specifically in the psychotherapeutic space. However, love has more than a romantic application. I believe that just like the term therapy, there are layered and have multiple reasons and applications of both words use. “I Love You” is an expression of appreciation, recognition, a felt sense of something significant and a not easily identified pleasant sensation. I love you is an acknowledgment of a connection beyond a simple like. There are probably 7 billion expressions, interpretations and mis-understandings of the deeply intimate and connection filled word love. In counselling the relationship between those engaged in the process is similar to a friendship, or of a student and mentor. These relationships are anything but simple and yet remain complex and beautiful at the same time.
Unknown Terrain Having worked in a range of settings the idea of liking those who sit in the chairs or in the now virtual rooms opposite me has grown. My former prison supervisor, now friend, Anne Willoughby, advised that whilst you might find working with some of the clients difficult to connect with, and they you, aim to find one thing about them that you are curious about, that makes you smile internally, that you can like. It could be the clients trainers, jeans, the way they talk or an aspect of their face. Grow your appreciation of who they are from that point. This tool given back in 2010-2011 has grown to generally appreciating all clients I have the opportunity of working alongside. I realise that the expression and experience of love is tentative, risky, containing a power dynamic that has unknown elements buried deep within it’s catacombs. The equation consistently asked by a healer is; are they, am I, are we, ready to explore this wild landscape? Often the answer given is – Yes!
Art If projective identification, mirroring, transference and counter transference are the tools that support a clients’ self – entity to realise themselves. In and amongst a list of items of what the client throws out against the canvas of counselling/psychotherapy. The job, my job, is to gently return the disguised and dislodged parts of themselves back to them, in piecemeal fashion and slowly in procession. The client then can appreciate their full picture of themselves as I and close allies do. With congruence, compassion and yes, a deeply resourced, well informed and suitably intentioned – Love.
Resources I first came across the word Doula a few years ago at a training event. Since then I have been struck by the necessity of the role and the idea of what a Doula does. The link takes you to a website about Doulas. There was something about the episode of the Stoop that took love on an interpretive ride. Polyamory was discussed in an open curious investigative fashion. I enjoyed the multiple discoveries made. Brené Brown’s, Atlas of The Heart book and short podcast series about Atlas of the Heart with her sisters, is both informative, searingly honest reflections and often hilarious. The mini series is a great companion to the beautiful and well crafted work of a modern sage. This is Love and The Magpie of Heart Mountain is a phenomenal story of love found in a hard place and at a difficult time in an American’s History. When I heard that President Obama had his own podcast with his friend Bruce Springsteen, I was intrigued to find out what these two men would talk about. I have been entertained and surprised from what I learned about both as they reflect on their lives. The podcasts are reflective in what they invite the listener to witness. Love appears as a character connecting their stories to the past and future. The Stoop Podcast – Polyfree A Sisters Book Club Series Atlas of the heart This is Love The Magpie of Heart Mountain Renegades: Born in The USA Our Unlikely Friendship Images Photo inspiration – glowing feelings. Cover Photo Love Sign Hands photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash 1st Inlay photo ‘Benched Together’ by Marc A. Sporys on Unsplash 2nd Inlay photo ‘Family Time’ by Marc A. Sporys on Unsplash 3rd Inlay photo ‘Love Hearts Glitter’ by freestocks on Unsplash 4th Inlay photo ‘T-Shirt Design’ by Brian Lundquist on Unsplash 5th Inlay photo ‘Lean on me’ by Gemma Chua-Tran on Unsplash
When Marlon James the author of Black Leopard Red Wolf offered at a book signing in 2019, that ‘It’s about healing’ he presented me 2 insights in one. This is often the way with the wise. A single sentence containing as many meanings as one wants to ascribe.
Own Self As a writer, Marlon James’ books have invited a sense of closure to misremembered, misrepresented pasts. Stories about Black Africans living in *Diasporan lands are often exotified embellishments. Built upon lies that fall from colonisers mouths and minds as if fully formed. Tall tales have positioned the African in precarious positions and amongst endangered real and imagined landscapes. With diminished ability of self governance, self determination or self improvement. Placing white saviorism in the middle of a mistaken history. Cut stories, as though ripping a past in half could interrupt it’s eventual and inevitable realisation. We see beyond the lines painting the African either in unfavorably bad light or out of the picture. Here I am remembering the last episode of High in the Hog 4 part documentary and ‘The Harder They Fall’ movie.
Simmering The insight Mr. James highlighted was that by writing (creating) we can access healing and that by telling our stories in our own way within language from cultures adopted, we add to the healing pot. There is something about seeing the words and art that you think, being pulled from you and thrown across a page (such as this), a scroll, a wall, a canvas, caste in clay, poured into jewelry, or a clothing design made, into a picture or a film or piece of music, a dance, a move in sport. The spark of that inspiration is then left to affect another. Witness and harness it to their own end.
Re-calibrate Therapy has become almost a lesser than activity. Synonymous with celebrities doing the work to move beyond past harmful experiences. Healing has meaning and therapy seems to encompass everything from Osteopathy, Neuropathy, Light and Sound assisted treatment and, I have been found guilty to be using the abbreviation too, in Walk and Talk Therapy. (What I was later to learn is that ecologically enhanced/assisted psychotherapy can alternatively be used. It’s wordy though.) The term therapy is an abridgement. The argument I am presenting is about meaning making. What we mean when we say therapy – is treatment. Engaging with another trained in the art of psychotherapeutic/psychoanalytic treatment. A form of healing involving a client discussing with a trained professional. Supporting pain from their past to be assuaged.
Upended Two representations have recently been offered on TV, that psychotherapy is a tool used to ruin or invite in a healer’s unrest. The two cases I am choosing to highlight here are characters bent on utterly destroying each adherent. My concerns are about two shows ‘Hypnotic’ Netflix, and ’The Shrink Next Door’ Apple TV. There are clear boundary issues that are crossed and transgressed in both. I wonder if they ever really existed for the therapists involved? My concern is that a mislaid belief about psychological attempts at healing will be unconsciously accepted as truth. In turn then, the bent towards accessing additional support will be interrupted. The seemingly global succession of mindfully engaging with some psychological intervention willfully overturned.
Complex Because – for me healing is a multi modal and multidirectional phenomena. Healing travels into the past, amongst the present, and supports an understanding and use of the future – simultaneously. I mean that when a counsellor, psychotherapist, psychologist, healer is supporting an individual or a group or a couple they are working amongst and with a range of differing and sometimes competing factors. Healing can include the client’s history, family, intimate partners, work patterns, associates, aspirations for the future, sleep, diet, exercise, rest, entertainment and past experiences. In couples and with group the experiences everyone brings to a healing encounter can be magnified. With group support the experience is as if another living entity is involved with the process as with the people involved – almost.
Where There Is Light Then there are the shadow aspects clients don’t wish to bring to therapeutic encounters. Both Carl Jung and Freud called this the Shadow Self. The Shadow Self is the part of ourselves we do not want to own or claim we know, because of it’s often distasteful, deplorable desires and dreams. Previously I mentioned Smaug the Dragon in the Hobbit as a depiction of the mortal dilemma. As humans we are as impressive as the Dragon, as deep and as cavernous as the dungeon Smaug inhabits and as precious as the horde of gold the Dragon rests upon. When we can embrace all seemingly separate parts of ourselves then…
Laboring Healing is to recognise all parts of the individual including the split off shadow aspects of the self and support a repair that has hurt persons hold all aspects of themselves carefully, with kindness. As mentioned before if we cut parts of ourselves off, we are doing a disservice to our whole being. We cannot fully access who we authentically are. If a part of ourselves is forever banished we spend energy on the look out for the usurper to return and disrupt. We perpetually anticipate the interlopers inevitable resurgence. Perhaps we are to address healing as an ongoing active engagement with no predetermined or presumed end. Like a story without conclusion. Perhaps what Marlon James was introducing as the concept of healing, is to be continually tilled and tended to as soil…
It is all about healing!
Resources The Mindful Cranks podcast introduces Manu Bazzano who supports an idea of mindfulness, meditation, psychotherapy and letting oneself go. Hana and Leila presenters of The Stoop podcast look at accessing psychotherapy and what causes some members of the Black community to either seek support or not. Eldra Jackson offers his story in this TED talk as a way to describe what happens when a trauma is denied exposure and the opportunity for healing to take place. Stormy Monday explores the music habits some persons in San Quentin prison use to look after themselves. The Mindful Cranks with Manu Bazzano The Stoop On The Couch TED Talk Eldra Jackson Masculinity Ear Hustle Stormy Monday
Green Activitists Sir David Attenborough has aptly and repeatedly described the peril we all face. He speaks here at the recent COP26 and remains composed whilst delivering a passionate note of warning. Some choose to ignore. Some choose to deny. Others yet, still opt to close eyes, ears and minds in relation to the once barely visible threat of a planet dieing. The fires, land losses, global rising water levels, extreme experiences of weather, storms and desertification of once arable land are symptoms of a group of mindless apes ruining what once they managed so expertly. Another example of willful ignorance blocking understanding and proactive solution finding action.
Resources A link to a great writer sharing her insights about nature and therapy wrapped up in bird song. A useful parallel is drawn here in relation to wellbeing and outdoor spaces. The Story of Capitalism by Jennifer Good (thank you Joy Warner for highlighting this article) observes COP26’s willfully unseen recognition that consumerism includes waste, which directly impacts on the climate. Conversations about global climate change are yet to address actions that increase re-wilding, carbon capture and instituting an ethical social money management practice. Boots with Blossoms – Nicki Gilbert COP26 and the Story of Capitalism
Homeless The city I have moved to, Hamilton Ontario, has many people living on the streets or in tents, at parks or scraps of land that are unused. The city is attempting to resolve the crises by supporting homeless people to find accommodation. A global understanding of those who live with complex factors would be a useful way to engage with groups of people who find themselves without a home. Becoming homeless is not a choice a person makes. Living outside of shelter is arrived at by a number of connected and unforeseen factors. Ultimately to resolve some of the concerns those who live beyond shelter, are to be consulted and involved with in the process of repatriation. A recent study observing 1 persons cost to a community in the US for a decade, observed an individual who cost a city 10’s of thousands of dollars just to keep them alive. It is less warehousing of solutions and resolutions but finding individual and group breakthroughs. We all need to walk and talk together through differences of occupying land and keep our eyes open and mouths moving! The aim: find impossible solutions.