Submarine

Splitting off parts of myself for the allure of peace has been a way of coping with adverse events. This piece of writing I am setting myself the challenge of introducing a little-known aspect of myself. The aim to smooth re-integration and aid a hopeful release. All in 800 words or less. I am speaking of my shadow also unknown as my internalised sadist.

Why Now
As you may have noted throughout this year (2022) these blogs are mini-pscyho exploratory stories where I hold an experience up and inspect carefully. The idea of the shadow and sadism follows two important conversations had with my supervisor and another with Joshua Isaac Smith. Who highlighted that whilst we hold sadism in our psyche we also suppress – fearing sadism’s strength to maraud through everyday functioning.

Corrupting
With TV shows like House of Cards, The Wire, Game Of Thrones (GOT) and You, sadism reaches an honesty that is captivating, and yet also confusing. We find ourselves caught between wanting the best outcomes for those we develop an uncomfortable kinship. Perhaps with recognition of our own sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, sadist. Wanting these characters to thrive or overcome challenge, possibly relieves our trapped shadow selves. Witnessing them act out our suppressed desires offers us release. Safe, in that although acted by external bodies we recognise ‘the act’ as our unexpressed desire. Reich and Erikson offered psychoanalysis an understanding of human development. They wrote of the journey from childhood to adulthood. Exposing the infant to stages of human maturation that include masochism.  The idea of sadism intrigued me enough to offer Joshua a metaphor. My Sadist locked in a submarine 20,000 leagues deep. Never to released.

Narcissist, Psychopath, Sociopath, Sadist
I have written earlier of psychopathy and narcissism but not of sadism. The revelatory aspect I want to explore is the reason I had, locking my sadist and shadow away. Fear is a motivator. To act in ways that protect others and self. Healing not hurting people, another important factor that drives me. The sadist is willingly aware of the harm they cause. But also finds pleasure witnessing others suffer. We could argue that helping professionals, working with those who are in cycles of pain, may ‘enjoy’ relieving a suffering helpee. Could the wounded physician also be a healing sadist? My fear is if I were to bring to berth the submarine with it’s cargo of 1. What terror could I then be releasing? Better to have the sadist permanently held at an uncompromisable distance. Surely…

Association
A vessel not only large enough but also capable of causing nuclear destruction I felt a fitting metaphor. The internal – mirroring the external. It is Bruce the Great White shark, losing his temporary control on his blood lust in ‘Finding Nemo’. Marty and Dory narrowly escaping being eaten. Bruce and his friends swimming away. The scene of the mines blowing up. The idea of why I have housed sadism out of harms way succinctly caught in the clip below. But in so doing, am I holding back an explosive yet necessary part of myself.

Volley Return
Could there be a physical outcome to a once experienced trauma? A destabilising event at an earlier point in my life had me hold horror, anger and confusion. I learned to keep these emotions hidden. I didn’t have the words. Acting out with aggression brought unwanted attention including punishment and questions. Choosing instead to let imagination find balance, not justice. Seeking vengeance against ‘them’ was not viable. Perhaps here the passive aggressive 1000 tiny paper cuts method was given life. In admitting that I sought retribution satisfies the angry part still left in me. Psychology has offered understanding settling the disquiet of what happened.

Rigidity
What is the cost to a person continually suppressing their internal shadow or sadist? Do we become rigid and inflexible in thought and physical presence. And also somehow short changed in how we engage with the world? Has the submarine not only caged a part of myself I have little trust with, but also magically ensnared my body too? MS is in the mix here as well. Possibly the cause for the inflexibility lies first with a psychological cage that has then become a physical extension.

Shade
Clients are given chance to struggle with their shadow. Beneath the umbrella are the parts of the self that others and society have said are undesired, not valued, wrong, nasty, cruel, ugly. We may have decided, to disown and live on as though they aren’t important. They are. The challenge is to collect parts discarded and make use from them. Each disowned piece contains a lesson or memory that leads to growth and change.

Wobble
My internalised untrusted self the sadist is an unrefined being. Potentially with the power and will to burn everything I value down to ash. What I have failed to recognise is the energy of the former submarine dweller. The positives of balancing sadism with acceptance. A combination of understanding, compassion and concentration might equal the might of sadism. The drive to achieve justice of past hurts mercifully, is a journey I am now willing to take. I fear less the power of the sadist in me. Appreciating more what this fire offers – an uncertain balance.

Resources
Stutz, this Netflix film offers us a chance to look at the inner workings of Jonah Hill’s psychiatrist and the tools he has shared with Jonah to support his growth. One tool I picked up was on the waiting to be vindicated. Never going to happen. Ever! So what now? Well…
In Finding Nemo The shark scenes with Bruce Marty and Dory draw parallels between Sadism, Masochism, Psychopathy, Narcissism and sociopathy as well as group support.
Wilhelm Reich links to a Wikipedia page overlooking the discoveries and ideas of Reich.
Code Switch looks at past American presidents whose policies, words and beliefs affected race locally and globally. Tthe podcast intrigued me to observe what absolute power offers sadism.
Jemele Hill shares her multiple stories with the Questlove crew who chop up what using your voice and being politically and socially active can change at a community and country wide level.
Stutz a film by Jonah Hill
Finding Nemo The Name’s Bruce
Character Analysis by Wilhelm Reich Wikipedia
Code Switch Podcast: Is Trump Really That Racist?
Quest Love Supreme Podcast: Jemele Hill Pt 1 and 2

Images
Shade Theme:
Cover photo Blueish Bookstand by Joe Gardner on Unsplash
Giant Steps photo by Joe Gardner on Unsplash
Red Parashade photo by Masaaki Komori on Unsplash
Steel Shade photo by Lysander Yuen on Unsplash
Antelope Canyon photo by Joe Gardner on Unsplash

Backlinks
Adapt Faster – a link to both the blog On Shame and to Joshua Isaac Smith’s website
You a blog about the phenomena of the internalised narrative, making You-Us
Psychopathy a blog about understanding psychopathy
Narcissism a reflective piece of writing looking to understand narcissism
Tauma a blog written to pinpoint why the sadist was entombed

Hooch

Many of these blogs are born from a filtering of information from a range of sources. Some arrive whilst in conversation with friends and family. The below is a hybrid of both. A large thank you to my sister Edwina and Ms. Amarpreet Ajji who both steered me through a number of tough realisations.

Adverse
Hooch is well known as a legal and illegal alcoholic drink. In America – pruno is the colloquial equivalent. Moonshine is another name of illegally produced malted alcoholic beverages. Why am I writing about illegal liquor one might be inclined to ask? “Adversity is the mother of all invention”. My mum was fond of saying. This is my offering.

Awaiting Transformation

Locked In
Having worked at over 10 prisons in the UK, and witnessed the ingenuity persons in prison extend themselves to – brewing alcohol illegally, there is a truth to my mum’s saying above, that I wanted to explore here. The common experience of hardship creating solution. If there wasn’t difficulty, poverty or war, would development of the advances that exist in the world currently be with us?

Community Links
Living in Canada I am unable to be employed. My migrant status is under review. My ‘In Country’ application has been in process for over a year. In that time I have had chance to volunteer my support as a psychotherapist for True Roots as a panelist, and also as a co facilitator of their men’s monthly check in and chats series, ACCA as a volunteer co-ordinator for the organisation’s Individual and Family support programme, and most recently as a member of the St. Leonard’s Society of Hamilton that support individuals with rehabilitation after a custodial sentence. There is also a piece of work at McMaster University in Autumn I am looking forward to be involved with. I haven’t stopped engaging in purposeful activities it looks different at the moment.

One follows another

Combustion
The sloth of my application currently being processed by Canada’s immigration service is at the centre of my reasoning for Hooch. My ability to work and contribute, as in the UK, is hampered by slow processing. A low-grade frustration builds like a storm cloud. Similar to the lazy afternoon pull and erasure of dry wipe marks from a board that once held the allure of valuable information. The teacher oblivious, uncaring or both. Queue the classroom explosion.

Brew
Hooch is a bi-product of ingenuity meeting boredom, opportunity and time. The blogs are my attempt to produce something potent and as therapeutic in a collection of words as hooch are for those behind ‘the wall’. Offering a taste of freedom. By writing I ease the storm cloud’s weight. If each letter were a droplet of rain, perhaps by the end of this year the rain cloud could become like cirrus – light as wisps of steam caught in rarefied air.

Intesificado

Expense
Existing as a non-entity has perils: unaffordable health care, costly health and car insurance, inability to join the labour force, nonexistent credit rating, poor social mobility or cultural capital. Confidence repeatedly dashed against the rocks of doubt ‘Will this ever…?’ I am not alone in sensing the vacuum. A hoovering up of all that was known about a temporaneous life before the move is common for an immigrant.

Slow Down
Whole communities have travelled from one country into another, and sometimes into yet more. Some – held in an infernal holding pattern such as Tom Hanks in the film Terminal, knowing the turmoil of life in absentia. And more living with the daily concerns: imminent threat of permanent removal re. ICE, deportation holding centres, dashed plans to reunite with family, job prospects and hopes of starting to live once more, following the global lockdown – held just beyond reach. An added sting of not knowing reasons for the omnipresent delay.

Blue Dance

Process
As a former sourdough bread baker and investigator of the subtle art of Kimchi (Sauerkraut restores gut health too) I wonder about the end of my waiting experience. I recognise that there is a fermentation taking place. A general awareness of developments I am not involved with. The experience – maddening and wildly frustrating. Space is taken to think a little, and share some of my thoughts with you. For me the sharing is the main point of writing these truncated missives – fermentation’s produce – Hooch.

Resources
The ACCA links to the Afro Caribbean Canadian Association’s website, where you can find out a little bit more about the organisation is achieving in Hamilton.
St Leonard’s takes readers to the SLSH website, one can take a look at all that this inspiring organisation does.
Sourdough takes you to the almost fool proof method of creating and crafting a sourdough bread by Hugh Fearnly-Whittingstall.
I am yet to make Kimchi. When I do I will follow Sue’s recipe. There are a range of studies that introduce the concept of our guts being our 2nd brain.
Sean Brock is another find on Netflix who has an interesting take on flavour, pickling and fermentation.
The article by Sandor Katz looks at fermentation’s power to transform cooking/baking. I enjoyed reading their interpretation of brewing cultures to transform ingredients for a diners culinary pleasure.
A House Divided by Code Switch introduces a family that reside in the US under different policies of immigration. A number of complexities arise from their differing legal status.
My Lying Eyes by This American Life explores the complex experiences of migrants to the US. Some appear to be allowed quick safe passage whilst others are left with a complex and dangerous route.
Bassem Youssef introduces a number of important reflections about civil unrest, seeking justice and being an immigrant.
The Stoop’s excellent coverage of Black life introduced a micro tear in the fabric of being othered outside of North America.
Code Switch A House Divided
This American Life My Lying Eyes
Pod Save The World – Bassem Youssef
The Stoop – I’m Black and I’m Jameela

Images
Theme transform
Title photo Butterflies by Suzanne D. Williams on Unsplash
1st photo Transform Wounds by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
2nd photo Waterfall by Blake Verdoorn on Unsplash
3rd photo Explosive Fire by Christopher Burns on Unsplash
4th photo Blue Beach by Shifaaz shamoon on Unsplash

Slowing

I have already begun thinking ahead to what the year to follow will be about for me and the blog. From 2018 -2021 a commitment was made to write regularly. My lightning quick imaginings and hard to capture thoughts have been ensconced in lengthy word paper and bubble wrap.

Then ‘ta da’ – presented.

To you.

Snow Laden Roads – Go Slow


The past few years have been eventful. Police killings, an uncontainable pandemic, sporting events mislabeled 2020 even though they they were held in 2021. The statement then – mild.

Horses
For me there has been a mix of enjoyment at being able to work with a lot of energy to write a blog a week. There has also been a degree of anxiety and low mood. I too was surprised by the low mood. November’s Willfully Unseen series of shorts – a challenge to embrace fully. When given time to explore topics at length, the risk is to be emotionally pulled along. The writer left to make an unwelcome decision, either chase after the horse or lead the charge.

Tonnage
At times sitting down to write, has felt like a significant weight to lift or pull. There has been no request placed upon me to pen away without tiring. The awareness for me has been of not wanting to disappoint by not show up for readers of this blog. Some topics this year have caused an internal struggle. Others were a joy. The mini projects and tasks set for myself, mostly complete.

Proclamation
For 2022 I will be writing at least one new piece a month rather than once a week. I have a few other projects on the boil that require attention and incessantly tap on my shoulders, as they too also need completing. I won’t detail them all here but a big one – transition my UK qualifications to an equivalency to be able to provide counselling/psychotherapy in Ontario Canada.

With over 200 pieces written since 2014 I also want to spend time re-editing and re-writing a few blogs as I feel some are in need of updating or refreshing. These too I will repost.

Winter’s Web

Tilt
The New Year often brings with it a sense of agency, urgency and enthusiasm to have things completed as quickly as possible. Inevitably we lose sight of both. The goals and our sense of energy. Turning good will, into a vessel waning and listing in hope.

Plod
Perhaps in 2022, we (you and I) can go slower, purposefully. The aim to safely arrive to where we are headed. CoViD19 as much as we would like the disease gone, may continue to affect ‘normality’ for a few more years yet. Maybe by slowing we notice more and reflect on what is important for us to invest our time, finally.

Thank you for journeying with me and for showing interest in my musings. I have appreciated the comments and feedback offered.

Resources
There are a number of reasons that we should at times slow down and think again, in the article attached of Hidden Brain, Shankar Vedantam explores the benefits of slow thinking.
In the Revisionist History podcast below, I enjoyed Malcolm making sense of his reactions to decision making. He has an uncanny way of surprising the listener causing laughter in this episode.
The conversation between Brené Brown and Adam Grant is another to invite introspective thought on what we think we know and what we understand of our world. Thinking again is possibly a new approach to life in this millennium.
Daniel Kahneman is interviewed by Shankar Vedantam on NPRs Hidden Brain, where Fast and Slow thinking are reviewed for our overall health and wellbeing.
Hidden Brain Slow Down
Revisionist History – Hamlet Was Wrong
Dare To Lead The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know
Hidden Brain Think Fast

Images
Cover photo Amber by Giulio Del Prete on Unsplash
S Bend photo by Victor Ene on Unsplash
Spider web photo by Robert Anasch on Unsplash

Willfully Unseen: Packed Ending

The following piece of writing has been mostly published over the last few weeks, save for the last few paragraphs. The piece remains largely imaginative. I am attempting to invite a note of discomfort before turning a corner. My hope, towards something believable and healthy for maligned, marginalised and underserved groups. The adage of ‘It can only get worse, before it gets better’ perhaps ever more fitting…

Difference in The Details
A university friend shared an understanding they had about the ‘small’ rooms a business or a restaurant has. Dave Li (circa 1992) stated that ‘When you visit a toilet (bathroom) in a restaurant or any other business and it isn’t nice, this shows how they value your custom. It’s a matter of how much attention they pay to something the public uses, that demonstrates if they appreciate the small things’. Dave Li’s parents owned a small business in Wales. I imagine even now (Nov 2021) that Dave Li’s parent’s business bathroom was a pleasant place to visit.

Everything Fits, Nature Recycles Perpetually

Eyes Shut Now
When I think about unseen communities of people and an advanced society, a few social groups are swiftly brought into awareness, often unfavourably. In unkind and demeaning manners. The idea I have observes how an advanced and humane society would treat the poor, those physically and mentally disabled, those who commit crime, those who are viewed as psychologically unwell, the young, those who are either educators or within education systems, the homeless, the poor, immigrants and green agitators. Advanced societies would treat all with care, concern, kindness and a willingness to arrive at equanimous understanding. Including rather than excluding and positioning those who are willingly unseen, as permanently disadvantaged! Could a humane society remain in a position to not ‘other’ those that demonstrate a quality to life that is difficult, unimaginable, and unmanageable?

Wheel Turn
Given time and tools to develop better understanding, appreciation and gratitude, could there be chance to become aware and attuned to our similarities? Exploring points of contact. Noticing where intersectionality, between disowned groups and those who, stubbornly remain within the stronghold of our current capitalistic (solipsistic) society meet? Choosing to ignore a greater number of people who through no fault of their own remain at **the bottom of the well. Affecting those who like Smaug sit at the top of the mountain of gold. The planet, those who represent the Global South, the willfully ignored, aren’t waiting any longer for equity!

Possession
Advanced societies I believe would look at the smallest component of the strata of it’s populace, and be willing to invest in holistic growth, development and the levelling of all playing fields. Calling to mind Jo Amand who stated during training of Walking Group Leaders for the Duke of Edinburgh award scheme back in 2002, ‘A group always walks together. They walk at the pace of it’s slowest member!’ Reminding of the African quote ‘If you want to go fast, go alone; but if you want to go far, go together!’ The idea, if a parachute is pulled apart the circumference encompasses all. No-one is left outside/behind. The reciprocal return would be to develop children and adults that are consciously aware of their privilege and where that awareness intersects/interacts with elements of themselves that are a challenge to accept. The aim would also be to develop understanding of where aspects of their being are under valued or under appreciated (where we all become the other). We are all Dragon, Dungeon and Dragon’s treasure (see above link to Smaug).
The aim could be to support and to develop emotionally literate, physically responsible, sociologically curious and flexible people. A following aim could be to improve our appreciation of all aspects of life. Disowning death, disease and inevitable destruction – cuts the enmeshment that is the whole of our existence. (The fright of the four horsemen.) All parts of a terrific/terrifying life are brought together within surrender.

Smog, Dust, Pollution?

Wealth Extraction
If we were to globally eradicate poverty (a huge thank you to Stephanie at Thrive Hamilton for the conversation) including paucity of critical thinking, I wonder then, what the world’s community would resemble? Would we still as a society carry the fear/threat of violence because of what we have/do not yet possess? Would we still hold on to a notion of one group of people being better than other groups of people? Would the ever increasing global debt be something that could continue to exist and weigh upon hearts and minds without coming to a necessary and abrupt end? The never-ending pursuit of financial security, of surplus – dismembering, denuding and robbing the Global community and the natural world of it’s health and it’s wealth.

Waste
Returning to the analogy of the toilet (began at the top of this page) would we want to arrive in a bathroom, with the smells of another user still hanging? Toilet paper strewn about on a suspected urine soaked floor. An omnipresent dripping echoing dimly. Possessing only one working stall (unwillingly checking the 5 other stalls in haste), someone having defecated not only on the seat, but also the floor, the walls? Paint of an undisclosed colour, flecked, bubbling, peeling from walls. Graffiti adding a quality of perceived threat and additional grime to an already stressful situation. Tiles of the floor and walls cracked. Oozing. The lock on the one working urinal broken. A flickering fluorescent bulb overhead. The 2 working hand basins showing signs of disrepair. Rust, grime, leaking taps, slowly draining grey water, already collecting in the bottom of the basin. Proof of poor maintenance and care.

Fish Plastic Waste

Fixin’ Unfair
You the visitor to this unsavoury scene, not being able to hold the contents of your bowels/bladder or both any longer, have little other option. Imagine inhabiting a space that heaps an idea that you deserve to live the rest of your life here and that you should die here too! Because born poor, of a lower social class, of a specific gender, of a certain racial group, having a certain physical or mental capacities, have ineffectively (criminally) acted attempting to improve yours and your family’s situation, or by becoming homeless, an immigrant this foetid mess is what some advise you to make a home, a society from. Being told by those living in better conditions that this environment is where you belong? Those supporting communities such as those described above, unfairly branded with the same toilet brush.

Poor
I was born into a family living on a North London housing estate (BWF). Poverty was a mixed experience of struggling and pushing to achieve an improved life experience for us and many residents. My mother came from a middle-class background in Guyana. I can imagine the unpleasant shock she received arriving in the UK, making a life for herself. Previously living in a colourful, warm, vibrant world only to arrive in England the cold, the sepia tones, staining the lives of those she would interact with as a nurse. The nasty taste of barely disguised racism. Then there was returning home to the housing estate’s depravation. Those born into poverty the world over are a large willfully unseen group. The eye skips uncomfortably over signs of poverty. A street hawker, someone who begs, with visible signs of malnourishment, unwashed, clothes in disrepair. They: showing signs of both distrust and a rapacious need, cause discomfort and a wish of ours to not associate. The idea – distance creates separation and less chance of being infected with their version of ‘lack’. Those who live below a poverty line in most of our societies are potentially us. A few missed mortgage or rent payments, losing ones employment could transform a seemingly wealthy person into the needy. Take time to notice both the privilege and the possibility of upheaval. The notion that we are more deserving – untrue. In actuality due to some degree of luck, choice, support and determination providing an outcome that has us living remarkably, thankfully differently.

Persons With Physical and Mental Disability
Living in a body deemed disabled by some, one is often ascribed as not only physically incapable but also mentally deficient. Some notice my cane as I approach and prepare themselves to speak in soft, accommodating condescending ways. I notice the flick of their internal switch. The subtle grimace, the hard swallow, the mouths set just so. Choosing words that are simple for an obviously disabled person (me) to comprehend. Noticing physical and mental ability can be a challenge. MS lurks barely visible. Being asked if help is wanted in the first instance, can begin a simple opening to a human experience of reciprocity. To warehouse and write-off persons that have physical and or mental disabilities, is an under appreciation of the human breadth of living. Pausing before offering judgement we have the ability to learn how to be inclusive rather than dismissive. By splitting off parts of ourselves from ourselves, we dampen the fires of progress that includes rather than excludes.

Deny at your peril

Crime
The resource below from Ibram X Kendi’s ‘How to Be Anti-Racist’ podcast fully examines a thorough understanding of the criminal punishment system. Mariame Kaba explores with Ibram what the future of supporting someone who has caused harm could look like. The initial want to cause harm and punishment back, for the hurt experienced is a part of human conditioning. Initially if we experience pain we seek soothing and for the pain to stop. Moving away from the pain’s source. A part of us may want retribution and for the harm caused to be repaid in some way. The learning Mariam speaks of is to unlearn the want to hurt back and observe the need to be repatriated, repaid and the tear between ourselves and the other to be repaired in some restorative way.

Theft
The 2nd Ibram X Kendi podcast I have used is from ‘How to Be Anti-Racist’ podcast that looks at the international crime of land theft by Europeans of indigenous populations in North and Central America. David Treuer a Native American invites us to think about how America could repay what America took from Indigenous populations in this article and whilst speaking on the episode. What I enjoyed hearing was David’s tribe the Ojibwe’s way of healing past wounds inflicted amongst it’s people but also against other tribes. In the case of taking life: three actions stood out amongst many of the ideas David spoke about.
1. A ceremony to mark both the passing on of the loved one, and to give the deceased person’s spirit some rest.
2. The second idea David spoke to, was adoption of another of the same age/same sex by the bereaved family to replace, spiritually the person who died.
3. The last idea shared by David, was gifting the bereaved family, with many items of immeasurable personal wealth. Something of value given in each exchange for the loss being communicated to the bereaved.
Because being a nomad has a childlike, unmoored presence in my mind. I position land theft among this list of a Willfully Unseen groups of people who have been disgracefully treated by America/Canada. Being purposefully overlooked has been wrought upon Indigenous populations in North America with long standing consequences.

Snagged Bottle

Mental Illness
For the last decade or so the awareness of a barely visible human experience we all at some point may venture into has mushroomed into a permanent figure in a number of diverse fields that is to be carefully be tended to. The pandemic exposed globally our fears, the cracks in a number of systems and what an incessant diet of misinformation, overstimulation of the amygdala, unhealthy foods, instant gratification ( thank you Netflix/Amazon) and the allure of working from home with everybody there, could and did wreak havoc on our mental health. Add to that trying to function normally in a world that has slid off of it’s axis, it would be safe to say that maintaining wellness would be a near improbability. Before the pandemic did we appreciate how ones mind can start to become instable when known knowns change to unknown unknowns? Stability and mental health is made possible by both known and some unknown factors. We may not have willfully understood that seismic change can produce Tsunami sized psychological waves.

Young leaders
Being young, below the age of 21, the rest of the adult world can present that the young know little. It could be that knowing less could be a provision to engage in creative and critical thinking and emotionally engaged solution finding. The idea that those older and wiser, know more. In some cases those who are 21+ do, and are yet still to find solution to the problems the world faces! The notion, that being born, one should be grateful for life and put up with the rubbish being thrown is largely outdated. Young people have certain protections offered in relation to health, wellbeing, autonomy, access to education. The offers to seats of power, to direct the course of important arguments are less available to include youthful viewpoints. Decisions, especially about education, are made by people who left their own classrooms 30-40 years ago. The young are not seen/valued appreciated for what lessons they are to teach. We should remain aware and interested in the way young persons see the world. Passing on our jaded world views, whilst initially seen as protective, may not yield a determined, explorative, daring, courageous young person who is prepared to commit to heavy lifting that could result in systemic global change. Those who who engage with young minds are often laughingly surprised by what ideas their youthful charges dream up. Inviting us to step up, stand up, speak up and speak out about a number of injustices the world faces, because the young require us to!

Rough
The city I have moved to, Hamilton Ontario, has many people living on the streets or in tents in parks or scraps of land that are unused. The city is attempting to resolve the crises by supporting homeless people. A global understanding of those who live with complex factors would be a useful way to engage with groups of people who find themselves living without a home. Becoming homeless is never a choice a person makes. Living outside of shelter is arrived at by a number of connected and unforseen factors. Ultimately to resolve some of the concerns those who live beyond shelter are to be consulted and involved with their repatriation. A recent study observing 1 persons cost to a community in the US, for 10 years observed an individual who cost a city 10’s of Thousands of Dollars just to keep them alive, without ever successfully rehousing that person. It is less warehousing of solutions and resolutions but finding individual and group breakthroughs. We all need to walk and talk together through and beyond labelling and problem finding.

Green Activitists
Sir David Attenborough has aptly and repeatedly described the peril we all face. He speaks here at the recent COP26 and remains composed whilst delivering a passionate note of warning. Some willfully choose to ignore. Some choose to deny. Others yet, still opt to close eyes, ears and minds in relation to the once barely visible threat of a planet dieing. The fires, land losses, global rising of water levels, extreme experiences of weather storms and desertification of once arable land – symptoms of a group of mindless apes ruining what once they managed so expertly.

Freeze
There are a number of ways to exist within our means and remain functioning amongst the planet as custodians. Money maddens us. Power can corrupt. By putting money and power together we have examples of those who govern us being both power mad and with money corrupt. As Brené Brown has repeatedly suggested power over helps no one, whilst power to and power with – helps everyone. A change of thinking, believing and behaving is to occur. Ibram, Mariame, David all strongly speak about the cost of not acknowledging and remaining affixed in a (Frail, Pale, Female/Male, Stale) FPMS global frieze.

Rainbow Rubbish

Better
My hope is that the dead wood blocking flow, is blown through! Obliterating and washing away inhumane systems of thinking, and practices that enslave bodies and minds. Since the industrial revolution the human body has been made an unwilling barely conscious component. Part of a chattel system that perpetually produces misery over comfort, disease over health and chaos over creativity. Humanity deserves better and is in an active role pursuing something other, representative of all, for all.

Resources
David Treuer writes in the Atlantic of how America can pay back in financial terms what was stolen from Native Americans. The article makes both a passionate and logical presentation of historical facts.
Young Leaders reviews 6 young people that have had the lens of history swung upon them. The article observes leaders such as Malala who have shook the world to pay attention to causes beyond their shores.
Malcolm Gladwell’s useful depiction of Smaug the Dragon in The Hobbit gave me a spring to further understand pointlessness of wealth. The link takes you to the short blog that has the episode of Revisionist History.
Homeless has 4 links that observe homelessness in Canada and the US. 3 of the links specifically look at Hamilton Ontario. The Spectator article discusses cases of homeless people and what the City of Hamilton’s council is attempting to do to resolve the city’s homelessness crises. The CBC article observes one person’s re-housing ending their encampment experience. Lead Me Home is a beautifully poignant Netflix documentary observing homelessness in Oakland Calidornia. For more information on Lead Me Home <click here.
David Attenborough’s COP26 speech heavily influenced my choice of images for this weeks blog. Dr Dwight Turner has spoken about the interwoven nature of speaking about BLM alongside just as important issues such as Gender equality, Immigration, Feminism, Sexuality and the environment.
Black Is… by Tall Black Guy features towards the end of the piece of music, Sareem speaking their truth. There is something about their delivery and words chosen that resonates profoundly for me ‘My Bite pressure is much to much…’
Mariame Kaba and her conversation with Ibram X Kendi is mentioned above.
The Chaos Machine by the Invisibilia Podcast is a useful foil to begin unpacking how an information service that attempts to inform the public turns into a tool of cruel divisive control. Social media can have a separating role amongst our interpretation of facts v untruths.
David Treuer and his conversation with Ibram X Kendi is mentioned above.
Buffalo Soldiers is more than just a song from Bob Marley. The podcast from The Stoop looks at who were termed Buffalo Soldiers and the difficult line Black service people have walked along in the US military service.
Gaslighting by Two Guys on Your Head is helpful in beginning to understand how socialisation pulls individuals to need/want like. Perhaps we all willfully ignore the impact of being socially coerced and manipulated.
**Derrick Bell who wrote Faces At The Bottom of the Well as an originator of Critical Race Theory begins to unpack the construct of Race.
We may be unwilling to acknowledge the experience of racism amongst different racial groups. Cathy Park Hong and Ibram X Kendi discuss Asian solidarity in the global fight on Anti-Black Racism. The emphasis is for Black and Asian people to identify the divide and overcome the pattern matching of internalised racism and do many things differently.
Have You Heard George’s podcast episode 26 observes the patterned experience of 2 separate movement phenomena in music and what unseen relationship vibes have in realising artistic expression.
Resmaa Menakem and Angela Rye’s interview once more affirms that intergenerational trauma becomes de-contextualised as symptoms of illness. This too is Willfully Unseen amongst healing professions. Continuing to learn can support appreciation of new/old information of which can be then applied to living. A large thank you to Kwame Opoku for the link.
Black Is Tall Black Guy
How to Be Anti-Racist with Ibram X Kendi and Mariame Kaba: Prison and Police Abolition – Finding True Safety
Invisibilia The Chaos Machine: The endless Hole
How to Be Anti-Racist with Ibram X Kendi and David Treuer: Repairing The Past – Returning Native Land
The Stoop: Buffalo Soldiers
Two Guys on Your Head: Gaslighting
**Faces at The Bottom of the Well authorDerrick Bell
How to be Anti Racist Black and Asian American Solidarity: Ibram X Kendi interviews Cathy Park Hong
Have You Heard George’s Podcast: Podcast Ep26 Vibrations
Resmaa Menakem and Angela Rye Discuss Healing

Images
Volcano photo by Aaron Thomas on Unsplash
Nature Not Waste photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
Exhausted Air photo by Justin Bautista on Unsplash
Plastic Fish photo by Naja Bertolt Jensen on Unsplash
Bird photo by Angel Santos on Unsplash
Plastic Bottle Snagged photo by Ishan @seefromthesky on Unsplash
Rainbow Rubbish photo by Jasmin Sessler on Unsplash

Ubuntu, Recovery – White Supremacy

My Summer season of writing has definitely taken a bent towards topics that involve racism writ large. In this post I am looking to establish ways forward, beyond White supremacy. The system corrupt and broken is to be erased, like a Buddhist Monk’s manadala, in the rivers of time and re-written. For me this onward journey is about revolution. Those who identify with a Frail, Pale, Male, Stale (F.P.M.S.) aesthetic and outlook on life are to be discarded like the idea of the baby and the bath water. The infant, the tub and the water we are all swimming in is diseased, poisoned and grows corrupt crop.

Light in Illness
Another way of living – benefitting all – makes sense to begin insisting on. I have had these ideas since I was about 4 years old. Sick with a bad cold having an out of body experience, where I felt like I was experiencing what those who take the mushroom Hiawatha report. A sense of overwhelming love, compassion and connectedness with all. Taking time away from the machinery of work can support learning in a way that grows awareness. I have spent the last month, August, unwinding, watching a wide variety of TV shows and movies, as well as reading and listening to podcasts. The most recent book ‘Work Won’t Love You Back’ by Sarah Jaffe that I will attempt to summarise in a following blog, has stretched my appreciation of the month spent taking time back.

Light Mandala

Capitalism kills
If the organisation of work is ultimately a largely European concept. A system turning humans into labor devices. Transforming raw materials into something profitable, for other human’s consumption and monetary wealth. Can we then, identify the paucity and fallibility of both work and capitalism overall? It will take for all, to dismantle the current appeal of getting (buying) more, working more, earning less and feeling bad about how little we possess. Other’s  (F.P.M.S.) largely benefit from those at the lower tiers of the system. Tirelessly working at pulling from the hearth both product and illness. The whole system completely depends on those at the very bottom of the pyramid to support the shaky construct.

Strangled
Ingenuity, time, creativity and sensitivity are mangled lost and drained from the human who is tethered to the machine of work. What are the alternatives? We need to work to pay the bills, the mortgage, clothe and feed the children and the family, to make peace, or take our piece from life. How can much be enjoyed whilst one hand is in the noose tied to the unequal system and the other tied to hypocrisy lies and corruption? For how much longer can the system continue to rip the essence of life from bodies that are on the planet for so much more?

Mis-direct
I ended last weeks post by inviting critical thinking. By becoming analytical of all we experience and are investing time with, we can start to imagine and build something different. One of the films I have enjoyed watching that then linked to a few other Netflix documentaries was the Biggest Little Farm, Kiss the Ground and Fantastic Fungi. The book The Hidden Life of Trees (still to be read!) shows how symbiotic, integrated natural systems all support the living organism to function. What has caused humanity to lose sight of our role of our interconnectedness and stewardship of the resources our planet has? Did seeking financial gain, interrupt our curiosity playfulness and wonder? Did capital gains limit our human potential and wanderlust. Some who are (F.P.M.S.) appear to know how to control and manipulate the masses with ever increasing ideas of potential risk, loss, and death. Queue: War, Pestilence, Famine, and Death.

Ride Side Saddle
The alternative to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse could be Emotional Intelligence: Critical Thinking, Emotional Awareness, Compassion focused teaching and learning. To move beyond a persecutor, victim rescuer triangle. We can live at the space of the observer. From a position of remaining compassionately aware, choices to behave differently whilst living can be applied. Outcomes could include benefitting the planet and each other with kindness first, as opposed to judgement.

Supportive Sources
‘Pope Francis’ encyclical Fratelli Tutti has a number of parallels with the African ethic of Ubuntu. Published in October 2020, the encyclical has drawn attention to the social consciousness on solidarity between different members of society based on social-interdependence. The African concept of Ubuntu largely refers to inter-connectedness within humanity and between its members, and asserts that “my humanity finds its fundamental definition through your humanity.”

This definition of Ubuntu is founded on three fundamental values. First, that humanity is essentially designed to co-exist in a cosmological friendship; second, that the core values of humanity cannot only be realized through the recognition of the intrinsic pristine nature of the other person’s humanity; third, that humanity is designed to safeguard and realize the common good that binds it together.

The cosmological friendship within the concept of Ubuntu puts emphasis on relationships and mutual co-existence. In other words, one’s humanity is only fulfilled through a relationship with other closely connected human beings, as well as with those who are remotely connected. This concept of relationship in a sense implies a cosmological friendship that grounds itself in a communal attitude working towards the development of the society. Source: article on ‘Fratelli Tutti’ and ‘Ubuntu’ on Cosmological Friendship in La Civiltà Cattolica’ subscribe@laciviltacattolica.com

Baton Pass
My father-in-law Dr G Warner sent the above to me, as a perfect illustration of Ubuntu. Humanity looking after the whole human community because overall we benefit from compassion kindness and sharing. We always have. We could still. As a human-doing we perhaps get snagged inside the doing part, rather than the being a part of a living planet. The 3 paragraphs above, (italicised) offer an understanding and a way to begin experiencing our planet Earth differently. The answers for ending White supremacy as Martin Luther King Jnr said ‘are along the long arc of time, that bends towards justice’. However we can begin speeding towards the bend by, willfully engaging, interrupting and destroying White supremacy’s hold over us. Moving from pure observation to questioning and persistent resilient activists. The journey ahead is not going to be easy. But I feel that challenging journeys are by their nature both life changing, life affirming and infinitely more interesting. The River Runner documentary on Netflix is testament to this idea, another of Summer’s offering.

Resources
Resmaa Manakem discusses below in detail, revolutionary thought and how to engage with healing and then appreciating cultural wealth. Kori Carew discusses a number of challenging and revolutionary ideas about Listening, Having Curiosity, Being Vulnerable, Engaging in Action as well as Belonging and becoming aware of community, in Kori’s T.E.D. talk she understands and shares insights about Having Courage to do what is right even whilst this may disrupt everything. Tricia Hersey introduces a wonderful insight about the mechanism of capitalism and how to fight back and win. Baratunde Rafiq Thurston discusses ideas about deconstructing racism that involve breaking headlines into 4 components – Subject, Action, Target, Activity. He shares his reasons as to why his approach provides clarity. Lastly Brené Brown Interviews Dr. Susan David on the need for improvement of appreciation of language, interpretation of feelings and compassion. Ultimately the idea is about a community of humans that can use language to truly see, understand and hold self and others compassionately. Those who push at the limits of possibility and what seems impossible are the free radicals who invite others to imagine beyond the horizon. As mentioned above, The River Runner captures this idea very well.
Resmaa with Charlemagne and Angela On the Breakfast Show.
Kori Carew Ted Talk
Tricia Hersey Rest and Care as Tools for Liberation
Baratunde Rafiq Thurston How To Deconstruct Racism
Brené Brown and Dr. Sarah David Dangers of Toxic Positivity

Images
Inspired by Mandalas
Cover photo Live Together by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
Lights photo by nibras al-riyami on Unsplash
Wall manadala photo by Fabio Santaniello Bruun on Unsplash
Mandala Sea photo by Jayshree Sharma on Unsplash

Internalised Racism – Close Group

I continue reviewing the concept of Internalised Racism in this post.

Closed
The True Roots conversation on the 30th of June was a closed group for Black and Brown (Racialised) people to hold an open, challenging and affirming conversation. With members from White communities barred, the freedom to share difficult experience with others unburdened double consciousness. Links to current and past personal histories were made. Unfettered – the conversations were like a surge of blood to an unseen unnoticed wound. Members who attended discussed their understanding of Internalised Racism. Part of the discussions observed what has been the learning in relation to ourselves and about the societies we live amongst.

So We Dare
Having written a little about group the idea of being amongst a closed experience felt risqué and yet also necessary. Inclusivity is undoubtedly an ideal to be achieved. Perhaps once Racialized communities recognise their needs for active participation in healing, liberating from outdated and ill fitting, ideas can begin. Exclusive meetings held amongst communities that are representative of diasporic Africans, Asians, Indigenous communities and LatinX communities are often framed as anti-White. Generally, these encounters are experienced as spaces for important idea generation, healing and application. The focus is on uplift. The experience of being amongst the True Roots online space felt unapologetic. Panelists and guests offered clear resourced and relative experiences about their growing understanding of what is lost by trying to acclimatise to societies that are structurally racist.

Abdicating Responsibility
The UK, Canada and the US deny and work to hold on to the outcomes of Colonial pasts and historic abuses against Black and Brown bodies. Claiming each country’s sovereignty and superiority over former and existing colonies. European settler behaviours have largely bestowed power upon European descendants and centred on greed gaining wealth. I would argue that centuries of war, genocide, trauma, and vilification of others has left a fetid festering wound amongst the planet. Calling all to attention, yet only a few hear the Earth’s cries. Fewer still tirelessly wrestle to create change that invites resuscitation or better regeneration.

Resources
Ms Xaba offers a number of personal stories of coming to realise the impact of the invisible marks left by apartheid. I recognise myself in the Ghana experience. Making self small, with the idea of perceived threat. Choosing to leave, before being told to.
Daniel shares his realisation of Internalised racism and the connection to misogyny. His story takes him from the US to Jordan where he learns to understand himself anew.
Internalised Oppression by Zed Xaba
Internalised Racism and Misogyny by Daniel Juweid

Images
Light Freeze Photo by Jonatan Pie on Unsplash